After my column last week, in which I noted that there had been a spate of physical attacks on conservative speakers on college campuses within weeks of charges being dismissed against the Deliverance boys who threw pies at me at the University of Arizona, the prosecutor said it was my fault. (My column gets results!)

David Berkman, chief criminal deputy in the office of Democrat Pima County Attorney Barbara LaWall, told The Arizona Daily Star that charges had to be dismissed because I didn’t show up for the trial.

In an article titled “Writer Coulter, arresting officer missed 1st trial,” reporter Kim Smith writes in the April 16 Arizona Daily Star:

— “Pima County prosecutors plan to take another shot at two men accused of throwing pies at political writer Ann Coulter, even though she didn’t show up at their first trial last month.”

— “Smith and Wolff were scheduled to go to trial March 18, but neither Coulter nor the arresting officer showed up, Berkman said.”

— “Coulter was sent repeated notices of the court date” (all of which were apparently sent telepathically) “and she will be notified of the new court date as well, Berkman said. He said it should also be noted that Coulter never contacted prosecutors to find out the resolution of the case.”

Repeated notices!

In fact, my verbatim reply in an e-mail dated Feb. 15, 2005, to the only notice I ever received about my appearing at the trial was the following, preserved through the miracle of computers:

“I remain very committed to pressing charges. What is the date of the trial? I do not live in AZ and it may be difficult for me to get there for the trial. Does the prosecutor believe he will have to call me as a witness? I believe there is videotape of the entire event and it is evident thereon that I apprehended the attack and ran away.”

But I was never asked to attend any trial.  I didn’t even get one of those “Haven’t heard from you lately …” postcards the publisher sends after you let a magazine subscription lapse.  Are crime victims in Pima County typically supposed to spend a few years loitering in the courthouse lobby in case a trial breaks out and their testimony is needed?

It’s not clear why the prosecutor would need to call me as a witness anyway, in light of the in-living-color videotape of the entire assault, vividly showing each element of the crime. But if called, I would attend the trial with relish. Frankly I’m on tenterhooks wondering if the defendants will try the “guy who throws like a girl” defense.

Maybe I’ll even give another speech while I’m there.

The only other notice I ever received about the trial was a postcard informing me that the case had been dismissed a few weeks ago, prompting my column. So I know they have my mailing address.

Contrary to the above news account, I called the number on the postcard after getting the notice, got an answering machine, and left a message. Since then, I’ve been on a whirlwind speaking tour, giving a lot more college speeches and creating many more frustrated liberals, similarly deprived of the ability to formulate an argument.

In Berkman’s defense, his office is shorthanded, having been bleeding prosecutors in the last several months. That includes the departure of at least four female prosecutors, two of whom expressly said they were leaving because of the way Berkman treats women.

So maybe Berkman allowed charges to be dismissed against my assailants not because I’m a conservative, but because I’m a female.

But there still remains the devilish issue of the accuracy of the reporter’s account. Daily Star reporter Smith also wrote: “Coulter couldn’t be reached for comment late Friday.”

Tip to aspiring reporters: If you want a comment, try asking. (Although reporting like that could earn her a coveted position covering Tom DeLay for The New York Times.)

Of course it’s hard to know what anyone said in this country based on newspaper accounts. The actual statements people make are filtered through reporters, who, as we know, are generally unexecutable in this country under Atkins v. Virginia (holding the death penalty for mentally retarded persons unconstitutional).

Two possibilities: The prosecutor is a liar or the reporter is a moron. In other words, is this a “Jeffrey Toobin situation” or a “Dan Rather situation”?  We report, you decide.

 

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